Musings on Motherhood

It's better than I ever imagined- ever ever ever.

I love Eli so much, that doesn't mean that I don't very much relish his nap time.

According to "the experts" I shouldn't let him sleep on me and should keep him on a schedule; however he just fell asleep while nursing for abut 45 seconds and in a state of bliss over my sweet snuggly boy.

I'm excited for every moment of his life, but not in a rush to get there.  This is the very first time I have ever experienced what I'm calling patient anticipation.

I crawled into Eli's crib to read to him the other day, praying it wouldn't break the whole time.

I'm excited about the "boyness" that comes with having a son, everything from little boy friendships to stitches in the ER.  

I'm struggling with praying for, writing, taking pictures of, anything that has to do with capturing Eli's essence.  Four and a half months later and I'm still working through how much this motherhood experience has ripped through my heart and turned my world upside down.   

When Eli makes any noise when we are out, I still apologize to the people we are around.  I'm terrified of being the parent of a nuisance.

Eli head has been hit accidently bumped into the wall, the floor, the shower door, the bathtub, the bedroom door, the slats of his crib and the handlebar above his carseat.  Its almost never hard enough to make him cry or even notice, but still... I may be too clumsy to are for a child.

Although Eli rarely sleeps in our bed, my arms search him out anytime I'm in that state between sleep and awake, causing me to snatch the cats up quite hastily, thinking they are Eli.

I'm still blown away by how amazing all of our friends and family were with spoiling my little family.  As Eli grows and changes I juts keep reaching into this never ending supply of baby gifts and can not thank all of you enough.

In keeping with thankfulness, I know that etiquette says to send a thank you card after you receive a gift, but I would much prefer to send people cards with pictures or stories about him enjoying said gift.

Kenny had a dream that I was pregnant the other night, as did I.  At first I was freaked out, oh no another baby already! But then I just got really excited, because ANOTHER BABY!   There is no other baby yet, but nice to know that when that day arrives, I'll still feel the same terrified excitement I felt with Eli.